yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize