I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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