we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
