why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
