Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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