i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
