I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
