McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
