So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
