I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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