why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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