on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
