oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize