I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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