i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my liver is dry heaving
there is puke in my bra ... again
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