You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
