summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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