And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
