Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
