Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
