just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
