Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize