omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
