Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
