I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
