dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
