Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
