Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
