I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
