:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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