I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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