I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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