the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
