she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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