remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
