very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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