i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
