I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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