So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
