This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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