Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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