my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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