Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
