Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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