I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
