She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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