mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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