She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
