I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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