I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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