I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize