you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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