i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
