I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
