You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
