I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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