Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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