i just sent this text using only my big toe
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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