why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
