How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How external is "for external use only"?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
