Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i love accidental penises.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
