Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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