My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
