just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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