just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I could fuck to npr.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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