Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
