dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
