omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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